Tough

Time ticks, Life goes on.
Life of mine is getting even much much tougher than before.
Or should I say? It's never been good since my Pre-U life started.
It's really suffocating to flash back myself.

Frankly, I'm different in school and I'm different in my living room.
AND I'm definitely different in my own room.
At school, people see me laughs, see my craziness and my smiles.
In living room, they see a daughter getting crazy if there's something funny in the TV. Laugh together.
In my very own room. Should I say  HELL  ??

It's been too much stuffs happening around these days.

STUDIES
They never get easy till now.
I'm just taking 5 subjects but I duno why the hell izit so hard for me??
Flashing back : I took 8 subjects in my secondary life. It's hasn't been so hard man.
Ekonomi teacher is racing like F1. Never reduce the speed but instead keep on racing.
Recently, she started to divided us into groups and asked us to present ourselves WITHOUT TEACHING at the VERY BEGINNING.
Tension increase fractually.
Whenever I read Eko, nothing being absorbed into my mind.
I know Imma badly idiot in Maths or shd I say countings.
I duno how to express fully here but........
When I see anything connected to Ekonomi, Im freaking down. Freaking lost. Freaking Numb.
I just don't know why. Perhaps, I'm scared of this.
But I did try to be friend with Mr Ekonomy.

Now, PA teacher of mine had went MEKAH.
Based from what I've known, he will be back after our 1st Sem's finals.
God damn it!! No teacher is here to guide us with the rest of our syallabus.
Dafuq??!

Next, MUET.
I actually had my MUET Speaking last Thursday.
As usual, Imma A.
So 1st group to start, perhaps White Mice too.
Bloody nervous as my sitting position is facing the crowds of my class.
and my question was
'Explain Why will you choose "How to improve the relationship between neighbours" to be the title of your workshop'
DAMN IT! I was like dafuq question this is!!
When its time to speak, i did speak but guess what??!!
I was focusing on "How to improve the relationship between neighbours".
Damn! Out of the topic!!
Come to task B, should be kinda like disscussion right?
Guess what, NONE of US spoke.
Because the other 3 are Malays, they were like looking at their papers.
How could I respond with members like this??
Took bout 5 mins, teacher got fed up.
Immediately chased us back to our seats.
What did I get? BAND 1.
Fully dissapointed !!

GEOGRAPHY
There are 20+ chapters to be covered.
I'm only at the 3rd chapter.
DEAD

ARTS
There are theories to be read.
But I hvn't touched them since we had so much folios to be done.
DEAD

Finals is getting nearer. I could only feel FEAR & TERROR. Im real dead.

FAMILY
Mom's condition sometimes seems to be allright but sometimes not really.
Even I'm d one driving only at 50 the fastest.
She is already freaking out.
But can't be blamed.
But mom, I'm not sleeping in the same room as u.
So, I dont even know whether u get to sleep well at night or not.
But surely, I wish with all my heart that u could sleep well every night.

FRIENDSHIP
Well, 'Mr & Mrs H' just broke up recently.
Both are friends of mine.
The lady is in the same class as I'm.
The guy is some kinda mutual close friend of mine.
Now they had broke up, the guy came to me.
Asking bout her recent life.
I don't mind to help.
Really. But I just hope those old histories would came back to me.
I really wished to help, trust me.

Frankly, friends of Pre-U of mine doesn't really acheived as what I expected.
I just feel like Imma invisible girl who just came in and interupt.
One of it, we were quite close last time but now, I felt we are already not.
Another one only share stuffs to the sky and the aunt.
What bout me? I'm always alone.
The reason why I could be so happy with them is not we are linked.
But its me, always the one asking 'What happened'? 'Who?' 'Why?'
These made me feel like I'm so damn freaking annoying.
I really miss my secondary life so muchhhhhhhhhhhh!
I will always have few of them who will share things with me.
Who will always let me know whats happening,
Who will always laughs and share secrets together.
Who really felt like i'm their real friend.
But now, in my Pre-U life, i felt nothing like this at all.
I'm not trying to say anything ya.
Just my own expression of feelings over here.
So if anyone of u see this.
Dont sad ya.
U are all still my good friends (:

SCHOOL
It's really has been like a hell to me.
Once I opened my eyes.
I really wish to close them back and not to be at school.
Sometime, when I'm awake.
I'm actually shivering.
I cant believe it but frankly I did.
It's really never like a school for me.
I couldn't feel the world 'school' in this school at all.

HEALTH
I have been suffering alot.
Headache
Giddyness
Gastric
They are just like marathons.
Unexpected.
Seek for doc?
Doc said ....etc......etc.......etc........etc........etc...
Given me meds, that's all.
I'm at real stress and tension stage till i cant sleep well at night.
I will automatically get awake at 3am daily.
And I will render for few mins or an hour only I got my sleep back.
Sometimes when I'm in my room I could out of the blue.
Even im just purely listening to songs, i cried too.
I felt the fear. But I really dono what stuffs am I fearing with?
I just simply feel the fear and whole body feel uneasy.
Like Headache Giddyness and Gastric will definitely stroke!
Based on my own observation, I guess I'm now belong to one of the patient now.

Life is real hard and tough for me right now.
Sometimes, I really wish to be fainted or even comma for just a few days so that I could at least dont have to think of anything. I really wish so. I know I'm crazy, but....well....
There's simply too much to write. But for now, I cant take it anymore. So, let's just stop here. Adios.

JULY :)

09.06.2012 :D

Went DREAMWORLD at the begginning.

Then We headed for our dinner at Daikokutei ;)

Lastly to MOVIE at MBO to watch Madagascar.

Nice day being with members :D

Here's the Pictures!! 

25.05.2012 ♥

Here comes the post on the day I turn 18 !! =D

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY to me !! ;D

Let's continue and see what happened during my day! Aha.. =P

Let's proceed, shall we? =)

First, as usual its one of the weekdays, Friday.

I have to go to school as usual in the morning.

Woke up early morning and headed to school.

When I reached, saw the gang xD

Betty came and said Happy Birthday to me.

Then next comes Shu Miin & Sze Lien.

Then Fang fang came from back hugging me and wishing me.

After done wishing, she instantly kiss me.

Luckily I moved away ! XD 

But Thanks to Fang for the loving KISS! =P

Then come Xiu Zhen to wish me. 

Its was the last day of school since we will be having our holidays breaks the next day for 2 weeks.

So we had Perasmian Penutupan Orientasi & Games with Upper 6's seniors and all Lower 6's friends.

We played three games.

Then its our turn to go for our recess.

We gathered up at the center of our hall.

The emcess was one upper 6's senior.

Out of such sudden, she came up asking.

"Who is Kai Zhen ? "

I was kinda stunned.

I did not admit at the 1st call. =P

Till a few call of repitition.

Gues my gang behind me did pointed at me.

When the emcess is awared.

Suddenly she started to sing 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' song.

Together everybody in the hall started to sing together.

Oh my!! Its so suprising!! O.O

But thanks lotsa to Betty.

She was the one who told the senior bout my day.

Never forget to thanks those fellow Pre-U students in the hall that day!

Thanks Lotsa to all Pre-U Students of TIGS! =D

It was 12.15pm.

School's out!! Wohooo xD

Xue came and fetch me to her house.

She told me that her mom and herself only will celebrate with me.

So, after reaching her house. 

I hook around at her house like some crazy mental people together with her.

Playing piano then I ended up to sit in front of her desktop computer.

Started to open my Facebook and started to reply those birthday wishes my FB friends posted on my wall.

Then after sometimes, Xue came in asking me to company her to go downstair as her mom was out.

So i decided to finish the one im replying.

But then when i havent finish reply the one i was replying.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY song appeared in the room.

Its was Xinyee, Jem, Dodo & Muruga appearing in front of me with a nice cake!

Oh my!! A surprise indeed!!

Then I made my wishes and blow the candles.

We went down to the dining table to have our cake and chat a bit.

Then it was time for Water War Maniac !!! 

 *like a boss* XD

Well, well...

Missy Xue did not asked me to bring extra clothings to change after that.

Well, we still manage to overcome that problem, no worries! xD

The water was as cold as ice due to the rain and the temperature went down too.

There was no sun but the weather was just nice. =D

Then we filled water into ballons, slides at her parking lots and crazy all the way!

We laid on the floor like we are having our sunbathing. LOL XD

We relaxed and took photos for sure!!! :D

Then, its time for shower!!! 

End of our shower, we gathered at Xue's room and opened songs.

We danced we sang we went crazy together ! xD

[SEXY and I know it, The boys, Somebody we use to know, Inconsolable, Im the best, Boyfriend, Glad you came, Payphone]

Then it was 6pm +

Xue's mom fetched us to Seaside Foodcourt to have our dinner while Jem went home to have dinner with his family first.

When we were done.

Jem came and fetch us.

We planned to go Dreamworld at first. 

So we dropped Muruga at his house for him to change up since he has been wearing his uniform the whole day. =P

Everybody ended up to borrow his toilet. 

Then we saw spotlights shining all around the sky.

What sign was that?!

IT WAS FUNFAIR!!! =D

This is it!! The 360 ride!!! @@

So, we ended up goin Funfair.

We had our rides.

There's one ride which turns u 360 degree all the way.

That ride, only me, xue, miin & joan went for it.

WOW!! Fantastic baby! =P

After the ride ends, the 4 of us ended up to be not in real good condition.

Then, everybody went to sit on ferris wheels.

Then it was already 10pm +

So we headed home.

It was a great day after all.

I love being with them.

They made me feel that I had such those happiness being with them.

I love 'The One' !! 

Thanks lotsa to 

Missy Tay Ee Xue. Lee Xin Yee. Heng Doe Vin. Goh Shu Miin. Joan Ng.

Mr Jem Jian Wei. Muruga Prasanth. Chan Kian An.

Its really nice being with you all that day!!

Thanks lotsa too for the arrangements, the plans, the time, the companies, the presents everybody gave and spent!! ;3

LOVE YOU ALL !! 

It was 26.05.2012, Saturday.

I went for dinner with my family.

We went to daddy's village.

After we finished our dinner.

There was a birthday song and a cake that appeared.

Wow!! Another surprise!!

Thanks dear family!!

Love ya all!! ;3

 My outfit of the night!! =D

How do I look? 

Lady in black? XD

 My little monster sister. =)

 Make my wishes!! =D

 Blowwwwwwwwwww~ XD

 My happy family! Daddy Mommy and Monster sis =D ♥

 Group photo!! ♥

 We coincidently met at the same restaurant.

She's leaving for further her studies the next day.

My 6 years of best friend, Lee Xin Yee.

We are FATED! ♥

 Cut cake ceremony!! XD

 My closest uncle. ♥ ;3 [Mom's big bro]

*uncle and nieces' photo* ♥

Meanwhile........

Erene texted me while I was having my dinner.

She asked to go for a drink together with her.

So when I reached home, i texted her.

And so she came.

We went to Juz Waffle to have our drink together.

We chat a lot since its been a few months that we did not meet.

We laughed, we enjoyed, we chat, we share experiences and stories.

We did quite a lot catch ups between us. =)

I mentioned before in facebook that her return will be the best present for me!

Wow!! Fantastic baby! =P

Oh my. She did have some surprise news for me.

She's going to enter Sea Games this coming week!

Wow!! Awesome one!!

She's representing for Malaysia!!

All the best my dear!!

You can do it!!

Support you all the wayyy!!! Weeee~ =D ♥

ERENE CHEW. My 12 years of best friend ! ♥

Its one great 18th birthday present though its just simple one. 

But i love this book lotsa!!! 

Thanks to Yee, Miin, Dodo, Joan and Yong Quan!! =D ♥

GRATITUDE SPEECH!! =D 

I really gained lotsa memories, though we did not take much pictures.

[too rush, ended up forgeting to bring camera]

[Muruga did took video and pictures but jailbreak made his phone's stuffs all gone!

Its kinda sad as i havent got to see the video yet, but its allright!! 

I still have those memories in my mind!! =)

Hoping he could break them out. I really hope to watch the video.

#fingercrossed]

P/S : Muruga, Im not blaming u ya. I am just very eager to watch the video. Thanks lotsa by the way! ;D

No matter what loss we had face. 

MEMORIES is still on our MIND! =D

Its really a great day!!

Thanks lotsa to all!! 

MuackzzzZ! Love ya all!! ♥

That's all for this post!!

Hasta la vista!

Update soon!!

Adios readers!

xoxoxo ♥ =D

5 2 0 ♥

Aloha readers!!

Its 19.05.2012.
I went out with my lovers.
We chats a lot.
Face to face chats are always the best.
Thanks to them, Im really way better after saying out =)
I love them both lotsa!!  ♥

 ♥ Victorious Cafe  ♥

_________________________________________________________

Its 20.05.2012 today.
To those the meaning of 5 2 0 will know why everybody is so excited mentioning all around. =)
Are you one of them?
Well, if you are not.
Let me tell you.
5 2 0 in chinese means 我爱你 [ILOVEYOU]  ♥
Thats why most couples will either confess to get on realtionships, or proposals. =)
To those who are already in relationship will make some other things than confess.
Perhaps, some own self made stuffs to their lovers. =)
How will dear reader's 520 days be?
No matter you are single or you someone's do enjoy this day still.
To those who are still single, share and pour your loves to your family or friends too =)

Here's a self-captured photo of mine to share with you... =)  ♥

 ♥ 5 2 0  ♥

I LOVE YOU, BABE!!

Cheers! Weee =D

Next on. 
To those who do not cherish what I gave to them, I wont care you anymore, seriously.
Cos I dun wan ended up getting hurt and down again.
#actwiser




Allright. I will stop my post here. Gonna post soon. 

STAY TUNED, Dear Readers =)

#5days to my 18th big day.  ♥

#expecting  ♥
ADIOS! =)

Sucks ==

Phew...
Two weeks of Pre-U's Orientations finally ended.
Well, after orientations comes arranging classes.
As usual, our team.
[Me, Miin, Fang, Betbet,Joan,Leong,Szelien]
We are all being seperated!
Hmm.. Leong, Szelien, Miin and I are apparently in the same class [6rendah1]
While others are in 2nd class [6rendah2]
Most of us chose the 1st package.
Which is actually
PA/MUET/EKO/SEJ/SENI
But teachers said there will be considerations applied after everybody hand up the package form.
So I chose PA/MUET/EKO/GEO/SENI.
Well, as dear readers who reads my blog will know that I have faced very tough decision in choosing this subjects few days ago. ><
Well, decision must be made no matter what, so i decided to onto EKO.
Ah well, it was two days ago, Thurs.
The Ekonomi teacher came up to call me out in front of everyone during the orientations.
Fine. I headed to the Urusetia.
Well, shocking one!!
There's 4 teachers there but no one entertained me. WTF!
Well, as student. I still need to respect teachers.
I asked, Im Kaikai. Is there anything on why you ppl called me here?
Then, the eko teacher responded.
Without any respect~!!
She yelled out.
'' AWAK NAK AMBIL EKONOMI?!! ''
So, I answered. Yes.
" MATHEMATIC SPM AWAK MACAM NIE AWAK NAK AMBIL EKO?!!! "
I kept quiet.
" SAYA TAK MAU AMBIL AWAK "
I kept quiet.
" AWAK ADA NAK PINDAH SEKOLAH TAK?!! "
I shake my head.
" ALA, AWAK KALAU PINDAH PUN TAK ADA SEK NAK AWAK!! "
I was bloody pissed off. But I kept quiet still.
After few minutes.....................
" AH, AWAK NAK AMBIL EKONOMI SAYA AWAK KENA HANTAR KERJA SAYA TIAP KALI! SAYA TAK NAK AWAK MALAS! KALAU I DAPAT CHEK AWAK TAK SIAP TAK BUAT KERJA SAYA, SIAP AWAK!! "
I just kept quiet again.
" DAH, PERGI PERGI. BALIK TEMPAT AWAK! "

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of teacher is this??
Teachers should be the role model to students.
Damn it.
I know my SPM result sucks.
I understand and I dun mind you saying these in different way without YELLING.
You pay respect to me, then I will pay my best respects back to you.
You could have talk politely, i will sure give you different opinions and point of view towards you.
I GOT TO ENTER PRE-U means I got the confimations in entering this.
I still got to enter Pre-U under government's arrangements!!
Who the hell you think you are?!
I was being organised to register at your school, TIGS with confirmation letters as proves, allright?!
You are just a tiny character who teaches Ekonomi in those educations field.
What kind of FORM6 teachers are nowadays??
Are they trained to treat students like this??!
Miya was one victim in her new school too.
Damn it. Students from Convent means they are not students/humans??!
Fuck you!
Even the worst teacher in Convent oso way times better than you teachers!!
Teachers like your spesies better watch out.
Cos u noe why?
Cos those victim students like us will sure proves you are wrong and pull you way down!!
I will prove to you that you are DAMN DAMN WRONG!!!
I will make you feel guilty and sorry towards me, Im telling you seriously.
YOU WAIT AND SEE!!

ANGKAIKAI! GO!! I CAN DO IT!! DASH!

MAY. HERE COMES MAY. ♥
Its my favo MAY of all. ♥


Let's start, shall we? =) ♥

FORM 6 REGISTRATION & ORIENTATIONS DAYS/WEEKS.

As what ive mentioned in my previous bloggie post.

I got to enter FORM6, Pre-University.

School I got offered : SMK (P) TEMENGGONG IBRAHIM. [TIGS]

I went for sign up on the 8th of May with some fellow friends.

So, signed up was done. 

Next to face, ORIENTATIONS weeks continues right after the sign up. [2 weeks]

Though the orientations are very boring and tiring, but still I need to face it.

After the 6th day of orientation, they are many things n stuffs n paths n procedures mentioned.

Today we started to have some talks on subjects which is PA, EKONOMI, MUET & SEJARAH.

Packages offered.

Package 1 : Pengajian Am/MUET/Ekonomi/Sejarah/Seni

Package 2 : Pengajian Am/MUET/Sains Sukan/Geografi/BM

At first when teacher started to elaborate more on this package stuffs my idea in school was : Package 2.

But since aft school, i thought more stuffs than usual.

I started to think about which subjects do I suit better?

Does the subject im taking have better jobs applications in future?

Will I be good in that?

Will I pass?

Will I get better result?

The most CONCERN

AM I MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE?!!

I did went to ask for suggestions.

I asked Jem.

He said, its all up to myself. 

He advised me more on taking Package 2.

I asked Ben.

he advised and elaborate to me lotsa things.

Did suggest me to get diploma too.

I asked Miin.

She said do what you think its right.

What you think you can do.

Do not depend too much on ppl's ideas n suggestions.

Damn. Im totally messed up.

Till now, I havent got any decision yet.

I couldnt make up my mind still.

CRAPY CRAP!! 

Suddenly, I thought on giving up this.

My brain right now is about to be tear up. 

*big sighs*

I know I shouldn't be thinking on those negative stuffs but I just simply can't stop these

because there's no other positive n strong points to keep me stood up steadily yet.

Frankly, I feel like crying right now.

Too much and too many stuffs happened recently. :'(

Next on, FRIENDSHIP.

Never stop in my rountines even till now.

God damnit! -.-

I hate to come to these.

Sometimes, really hurts to think back about those FRIENDSHIPS.

Sometimes, i have such thinking wic is.

Even how much sacrifices and hardworks Ive done.

NO ONE would ever get to see them.

*im not trying to say who or what, but its just my experiences*

*who tastes those chillies, will taste the spices*

*not sayin anyone har*

*those who understands me well, will know what im saying*

10 days to my 18th Birthday.

Honestly, I am very eager to have one real AWESOME party this time.

If people around me to aware, you will not be asking me on what kind of party would you like to have.

If anyone was to aware, you will find, actually what Ive done for you ppl in the past are those things I wanted.

Like cakes, surprises, touching items, hearts, etc.

10 days away. Time flies, Im still waiting and actually a very high hope on this year 18th day.

I hope to get what I wished for so long would come true on the day when im gonna turn 18.

#highhopes

Since, 10days away from my day to come. Will post soon after my 18th day been revealed.

For now, adios readers.

Wish me luck for all those stuffs mentioned above.

*fingercrossed*

Adios. ♥

AWESOME APRIL ♥

It was 20.04.2012

I went out with them.

Main purpose : Buy presents for mommy's upcoming birthday on 22nd. xD

We went for battleship and tutti fruitti. :D

Then we did lotsa pics and funs. Wohooo ♥

It was 23.04.2012.

I went for my driving test.
Unexpectedly, I really passed!! :D ♥

So, I told my lovers [THEONE]

That if I pass tat day.

That night, I will treat everyone yumcha.

But sadly, time doesnt match well.

Ended up, only Dodo and is available that night.

So, Dodo ended up to bring me around.

I decided to kick him out tat night as I need to buy sumthg that he couldn't know :P ♥

25.04.2012 

I got to check this out.

I got offered to Form6.

But, its TIGS =S

Oh gosh, gonna appeal for SDBL soon.

Hope i cud get it!! :)

27.04.2012

Its the day for [THEONE] to gather together. =)

Purpose? 

To bid farewell to one of our member, Jem Jian Wei. ♥

Whom will be heading to UCSI's KL to further his studies in BIOTECH!

First we went out at 4pm

Caught "the Avenger' movie at 4.15pm

Then we headed to Dodo's shop to kacau.

*imagine 7 ppl in one TOYOTA VIOS from Sq1 to Tmn Soga*

aha~ xD his very 1st time to drive his own and he needs to bring so many ppl.

Wow. A great and rare experience for him, I guess XD

Then, after everyone done kacau-Ing in the shop.

We headed to Riverside Foodcourt to have our dinner together!! :D

This time, its 2 cars. 4 person each car ya. xP Aha~

Then after that, we headed to Square1's parking lots balcony.

Saw the group photo above? Its the place where we took it ;)

and do you realise, that group photo formed one love shape?

None of us noticed bout this when we took it.

When its uploaded to Facebook by me, only then Joan started to comment and said it look lik a heart shape without notifying anyone. XD ♥

Then, lastly, we headed to MOLI cafe to have some short small talks and then all head home!! :D

Nice hangout ever. 

I ended up sleeping in his car ><

Too exausted, i guess. 

But he's nice enuf. I L H ♥ =)

 30.04.2012

He delayed his leaving.

He was supposed to leave on 29.04.12 that day.

But ended up his parents asked to delay to 1.5.12.

So, we ended up to get out last night.

Teeheeesss. ALONE xP ♥

We went to BP Mall, then to Sq1 , Tasik Y next then to Xue's hse.

Well, leaving is always one sad scene.

I did flood for the XX times again.

I just simply cant bear for that!! 

But he's awesome, nice and sweet enough. 

Thanks for everything!! 

I really treasure last night lotsa.

I will wait for ya.

No worries and do take lotsa care of yr own.

T.T LY ♥

______________________________________________________

HERE COMES MAY's ARRIVAL.

Firstly, Happy 121 days to us ^3^ ♥

NEXT UP!

Wohoo, the most exciting month for me!!

24days to the countdown :D

Teeheess... Cant wait for surprises and touching moments.

Hope, thos VVIP's of mine will be there tat day!! ♥ ><

________________________

Teeheess... Thats it for this post. Will update soon ya.

Adios! :D ♥